all my bags are packed i'm ready to go

the guys at the transportation security authority (TSA) should be renamed Those Stupid Assholes. they do absolutely nada for homeland security and serve only to frustrate travellers and guzzle tax dollars through their inefficiencies.

being a VERY frequent flyer (ny-chicago every week no?), i feel like i have earned the right to complain and criticize just another part of US society which i simply fail to understand.
first off, everyone employed by tsa to guard and protect homeland security is unqualified and incompetent. to highlight, i will describe my weekly experience at la guardia airport where i depart for chicago every week:

get in line for first check of boarding pass. this is inane because just 10 feet down the line there are two more "agents" now asking for boarding pass and ID.

so now i present my boarding pass and ID to another agent who glosses over the name on my id and my boarding pass, and if there is some semblance of a match they let me through. i guess maybe if i were arab or muslim then they would mark my boarding pass for further checks after the bag scan. in the background another agent sits by a makeshift desk area with a flimsy sign posted to warn passengers that "no liquids, gels and sprays in more than 3 oz containers are allowed on board the aircraft". the agent at the makeshift desk is also instructed to repeat the same warning in his most monotonous and unmotivating voice- "NO LIQUIDS, GELS AND SPRAYS IN MORE THAN 3OZ CONTAINERS ARE ll ALLOWED ON BOARD THE AIRCRAFT". perhaps repeating this out loud in addition to watching that the sign at his desk stays upright ensures his job security somewhat. then as if to mock this desk guy, now a more suave voice over the PA system announces - "this is a reminder for all passengers- all liquids, gels and sprays must be in containers not more than 3 fl oz or they will not be allowed on board the aircraft"

we proceed down the line - and did i mention that i got through with expired ID because the second TSA agent failed to detect it? if this happened once, you could dismiss it as an exception. but i had deliberately used my expired id multiple times because i was too lazy to get in line for another ticket for passengers without valid id, and then have to go through extensive checks.
so i thought fuck that, let me give this a shot. and another. and another.

now we get to the bag scanners. at each station there are about 5-6 incompetent fools, each doing a job that combined, can be done much more effectively by one machine. one person tells you again in the most unfriendly tone to remove your coats, shoes and belts. erm m'aam, should i remove my pants and bra too?
another colleague of hers tells us in the mandatory tsa monotone to please remove your laptop and place it separately in a gray container, and if we have any liquids, gels or sprays, they should be in a one quart ziploc bag and also placed separately.
as our stuff goes through the scanner, there are three more agents bent over the xrays hoping to find something that will give them their break. so they ask authoritatively m'aam we are going to open your bag for further checks. they then use their gloved hands to unzip suspect cosmetic pouches, pull out mascara and my lip gloss and say m'aam - sorry this is not allowed. then they see another little bag worth probing and undrawing the strings, they are greeted by a bunch of tampons and so sheepishly and quickly pull the pouch closed and allow me to proceed. what they did not catch is my tube of hand cream (l'occitane no less my friends!) in my purse that could potentially set off a bomb in the plane!

finally i get through the damned "security" check point and can finally look for a flight was scheduled to leave two hours ago but has been delayed by three so i can get on standby.
oh the mess that is the US aviation industry.

disney is one big fat wonderland of big fat people. everyone in the happiest place in the world is fucking OBESE. no kidding. coming from the city of drugged-out skinnies, being among these fatties makes me feel like i'm swimming in yellow wiggly fats cells. now when i pick up that lindt truffle or golden wrapped rocher, i think three times, three hundred pounds and three thousand cellulite dimples- then unwrap the chocolate and pop it into my mouth anyway. i will work it off i tell myself.

i haven't seen one decent looking person in this place and fede and i feel like supermodels.

amazing how america is very good at creating economies out of nothing-orlando from swamp to swamped with mid american tourists. vegas from desert to decadence. palm springs literally bare land springing palm. everything is so fake, manicured and deliberate it is painfully unstylish. but you gotta hand it to them for having the creativity and entrepreneurship to create a worldwide attraction of simply land, concrete, some lights and music.

and while i will probably never come back to disney world, i am glad i came because it cemented my desire to not have kids (not for a while) - nuh uh, i am not standing in line for 2 hrs because my little brat wants to sit in the dumbo the flying elephant ride or running to the bathroom and have to unwrap dirty diapers when i could be on my second round of space mountain. not to mention my fear of getting fat and grumpy and my husband not wanting to have sex with a beached whale which will make me grumpier and push him further away. the pains of being a woman sometimes.

back from egypt and ready to rock and roll. but first a little about the trip.

thought i might go mad being in close proximity with family for extended period, but i think we've actually all been able to come to a comfortable point of knowing just how to get each other right to the edge, but just careful enough not to push anyone over. so thankfully no horrid fights and crying, only lots of warm egyptian bread, too many lecherous arab men, and three sisters dancing like superstars to all the latest music videos on mtv.

egypt is truly a wonder in many ways. one expects the sphinx and pyramids of giza to be magnificent, and standing at the base, being drawfed by their sheer magnitude, they are nothing but magnificent. but less talked about are the graeco-pharoahnic temples which seem to be monuments of opulence that somehow have sprouted out of nothingness- column after beautiful column after beautiful column and then you start to think erm dudes, i think you're overdoing it- since there are no roofs to support anyway. walls are carved from floor to ceiling by hand and a craftsman dedicated his whole life to one wall (and you thought your job was boring?). what got me thinking the most is the paradox that egypt is- the very same river and resources that bore a great ancient civilization 4000 years ago, now runs through a laggard state no where near its glorious past.

i prepared myself for egypt by buying a lonely planet guide which i saw all over the country- clutched preciously onto by other american tourists trying to take the road less travelled. and i thought i would educate myself with a little egyptian literature so on mr media mogul's recommendation, i also armed myself with the cairo trilogy by naguib mahfouz (nobel prize winner no less) - which turned out to be quite a gem.

most of the time my sisters and i were being harassed by egyptian men who would call out to us as we walked by. when we did stop, they would come up, take our hands and ask how many camels in exchange for each of us. of course they would offer the most for jia wen because she is 19- young and nubile, age of ripeness and unspoiled by time. i was probably way past my prime for them and jun still looks too young and isn't voluptuous enough for their taste. they behaved that way with foreign women and i'm sure they would never take such liberties with their own women. this, and the fact that we hardly saw any women walking around or working, made me realize how true the subjugation of my sex is in the arab culture (which i've always tried to believe was getting better).

we did the whole cruise up the nile and spent a day at the red sea which was beautiful and i regret being sick and not diving, although i cannot think of a better reason to return now.

we then headed to cairo where we spent 3 days mostly stuck in traffic and smog. there is no sense of order, if only that everyone understands the disorder. a city of almost 20mln, there is no space for cars to park. so they literally line themselves up bumper to bumper, and in cairo the convention/rule is to NEVER engage your handbrake because your car WILL get hit on the bumper as someone nudges his way into ANY space he can find between two cars parked parallel to each other. oftentimes, cars will even park perpendicularly in front of another, blocking it from coming out of its lot...but never fear because the owner of the blocked will simply push the obstacle out of his way.